Family Centric – Injecting Life Back into Your Marriage
“I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one’s life, the foundation of happiness or misery.”- George Washington.
There is no marriage without its peculiar challenges and often times problems within the home are caused by a breakdown in communication. Maybe you have wondered how in the world such a peaceful marriage has turned into a catastrophic disaster. A moment ago, you were enjoying the ‘sunny weather’ and now you are struggling trying to keep your marriage from drowning. Looking for ways to save a marriage from collapse can be likened to searching for a life vest in a sinking ship. It’s quite stressful to say the least. No matter what the issues are in your family, applying God’s words and principles is very important in turning things around. You may be terrified but try and remain calm. Its time for you to trust in the Lord and have Him take charge of the situation. Share with me some godly principles that can help inject life back to your marriage.
Be humble: The scripture says “Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18. Pride has consumed a lot of families. Pride rears its ugly head when a man or woman thinks so highly of himself or herself much more than it’s necessary. The question is, are you proud? Pride causes us to do things just to save our face even though we are wrong. It is pride that sometimes makes you to insist you will not apologize first unless the other party apologizes. But in reality, this is not a smart move for the home and even for our life generally. Can you imagine how many wars would have been averted only if the warring party has eaten the humble pie. If you must save your marriage then decide today to get rid of pride, it is better you bend than to be break.
Be Quick to Forgive: There is no regret when you are quick to forgive your spouse. Don’t put- on the counter on the offenses of your spouse. Don’t delay forgiving because he or she had repeated the same offense over and over again. The question is, are there occasions when you should not forgive your spouse? The answer is no. You should forgive at all times. The moment you get tired of doing this than you are already digging the grave for your marriage. Generally, every offense should be a lesson learnt and both parties should consciously guard against the reoccurrence of such. Sometimes this might be difficult and it may take a little bit of time for that adjustment to be made. Regardless, genuine forgiveness is admonished.
Seek out Godly Counsel: There are people that have gone through same struggles that you are going through now. They eventually overcame these challenges and will most likely be in a better position to counsel you. Look for people who are experienced and who practice what they teach or live by the advice they give to others. Psalm 37:30 states “The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom and his tongue speaks with justice.” There is a place for godly counsel in the marriage but whatever you do, make sure it is agreed by both spouses.
Be Sincere: I have discussed this in one of my earlier post, Modern Marriages. Sincerity in most marriages is almost extinct. There is no reason for living the double standard life. One day the truth will definitely come to the fore and by then the damage would have been done. I have heard stories about people who hid the fact that they had kids before their wedding from their spouse and they thought it was a well concealed secret but alas! The lid was blown open and their home never enjoyed peace again. There is nothing too sacred or too filthy that you cannot discuss together. Anybody that is not willing to accept you for who you are, does not deserve to be in your life.
Love Unconditionally: I have heard people say, ‘I no more love him’ or ‘I don’t love her anymore.’ What brought about the change? Usually when couples say this to each other, it’s either there is third party somewhere. Love is a choice. You decided to love your spouse at the beginning and now what happened? Things might have changed. Perhaps the expectation you have of your marriage is not being met or maybe you’ve grown farther apart from your spouse. There is a missing link somewhere. You can still love him/her even much more than the beginning. Your love for your spouse should not be tied to conditions. May be you have conceived in your heart that, ‘When she gives you this, then you’ll give her that.’ Usually such conditions are not expressed. They are secret vows that have been made and gradually they will tear apart the family if this is not checked.
Validate the needs of your spouse: Don’t play the ignorance card. Know your spouse and his or her needs. This includes every aspect of the marriage life. Know her physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual needs. You cannot love your spouse and yet not express it. What is it that makes your wife glow or that assures your husband of your love for him? Don’t hold it back. That would be selfishness and your home cannot thrive on that premise. Find the needs and meet them.
Remain calm: You cannot achieve anything when you are in haste. If your marriage is going through turbulence, you need to hold your peace in God. It has taken so much for your marriage to have degenerated to where it is and it could also take some time to get it fully restored. This is the time to move closer to God and seek His face for mercy and healing. Your devotion to Him should not be compromised. I have heard remarkable testimonies of how marriages at the brink of collapse were miraculously restored through prayers. The Lord will teach you what to do as you draw closer to Him. God bless you.